I Recently went on a short journey that culminated in me being able to meet an amazing person, and her family. Her name is Maria Bello, and this is my story.
It started on April 28th when Maria Bellow started her book tour and our good friend N (it’s how she signs her own blog) came over to to spend a few days here. She was bubbling over all excited about her book arriving at her house hopefully soon, and being able to read the great masterpiece that was written by Maria.
During the course of her stay, N’s book delivery was delayed by late shipping, but that was made up for by the fact that she earned the chance to do Huff Post live with Maria via my computer. My Fiancé A and I were in the bedroom watching intently via my tablet with our 18month old little NinjaBaby and almost as excited as N as she did HuffPost live. I even managed to get a comment/question read on the air for me!
The “Bello-High” ran high for the rest of the day, and continued on and concluded with us laying tentative plans for the next step of our journey. Actually meeting Maria Bello.
Meeting Maria was going to be a bit more tricky than you might think considering she’s this epic author now, who is doing a book tour. But the problem is even though she had several stops near us, or at least closer than where we went, none of them aligned with us having the Money, or Time/Availability to go see her. So after N spent some time studying the WhateverLoveIsLove.Com website, we found a book-signing that was only 214 Miles away at sixth&i
Now I have to start this part of the story off by telling you I have large feet. I wear women’s size 11-1/2 Wide shoes and it’s very hard to find myself something cute that fits. Sometimes I can squeeze into a size 11 wide, but rarely is that a good idea. This was one of the times it wasn’t.
You see we stopped off at a large chain discount shoe store and picked up a size 11 wide pair of flat sandals. They were white leather and quite cute, but they definitely weren’t nice to my feet.
So we started out a little late after leaving the babysitters and we were rushing (but not speeding… much) and heading to Washington, DC.
As we were driving, N supplied the “tunes” by plugging her iPhone into my stereo and we were singing along where appropriate (read as constantly) and right when we started to hit traffic in DC a magical thing happened. Pink came on.
Now to many of you, that may not mean much, you might not even like Pink, but to us it was a sign. Not a Maria sign, but a Sign. You see N’s mom, who passed away just a year and a half ago, (on the NinjaBaby’s 1 month birthday. We TRULY miss you K!) was a HUGE fan of Pink, and to us, every time we hear a random Pink song on the radio, or see a Rainbow, it’s a sign that she’s looking over us, and so right at the moment we needed it most, we instantly hit a happy mood.
Now while the Pink song was great, and over-all our mood was happy again, this is where we started to really run into issues. You see N decided to inform me (while we were less than 15 miles away, but more than 35 minutes away according to my GPS based on traffic) that her eyeballs were literally starting to float. 🙂 Now the timing wasn’t great as we were in DC traffic and if we had to stop, we were definitely going to be late. Add to this, the fact that my sandals REALLY started to attack my feet something fierce and I started to get a bit frantic again.
We decided to continue to our destination and after some guessing and a lucky turn, landed at the closest possible parking lot almost by accident. Where we found out we only had $13.50 in cash, to pay a $15 parking charge. The attendant was gracious enough to mark on the ticket we paid only $13.00 (he let us keep the $0.50) and told use we could pay the remaining $2.00 when we left.
We got out of the car, gathered our things and promptly started walking (very fast) towards 6th&i and I promptly had to stop. Well about every 3 feet in fact I had to stop, because of the pain in my feet where the sandals were now digging in ferociously. I decided to walk through the pain, stopping as I could, and trying to keep up with A and N as best I could because I didn’t think chopping off my feet would be a truly good idea at this point.
We arrived at 6th&i with only a few minutes to spare. N picked her ticket up from will call, and A and I purchased ours and revived our copy of the book. As we found our way into the temple proper we found that seats had been saved for us by a friend of N’s named J. J welcomed us, and helped us get situated just as things calmed down and someone came to the podium from 6th&i to start things off.
Dan Jones from the New York Times came on stage with Maria and started laying some background for his work and how he got involved with Maria. He managed to paint a perfect picture which flowed into Maria reading and excerpt from her book.
Things just seemed to go so fast, and soon we were at the question and answer part of the event. Not being a huge venue there were only a few people that got up to ask questions, If I remember correctly it was about 4 or 5. N and A were both of that small group of brave individuals that trekked up to the microphone to ask their questions.
N, having worn her NoMore sweatshirt was instantly rewarded by a “Go Mariska Hargitay” from Maria as well as the statement that she (Maria) wanted to be her friend. A mentioned we were new parents, and instantly got the question “How old is your son?” and the response “It was awesome… No not really it’s a terrible age” when revealed that the NinjaBaby was 18 months. After that A proceeded to ask her question, asking advice for whether Maria had any advice for my coming out to our family and was told “It’s so awesome that you are going to be you” essentially and how great it was that our son was going to grow up in a world where people can be whomever they need/want to be.
The questions moved on, and suddenly the panel was over. It seemed to quick, almost anti-climactic in nature when you figure that we spent more than 3 hours driving to get there and had another 3 hours drive to get home. But as soon as things started transitioning to the book-signing part of the evening, another truly amazing thing happened for us.
Kathy Bello (Maria’s Mom) came over and introduced herself, and wanted us to know “Every parent’s wish is for their children to be happy. Your parents will come around, and just be happy that you are happy”. it was a teary moment as she held our hands, and squeezed our shoulders in support. It was truly one of those candid moments that will stay with you for eternity.
After enjoying yet another relapse of “Bello High” we proceeded to the line for the book signing were our group was nearly last. We didn’t really care as it gave us all time to reflect on everything that just happened. We were giggling with each other, telling related stories and just enjoying ourselves when suddenly it was our groups turn next.
We were all on or next to the stage and I handed my camera over to someone to be used for our pictures with Maria signing our books and I truly hate to admit that that part of the evening was over WAY to fast. It wasn’t anti-climactic in any way, it was just too short. So many things had gone through my head right afterwards that I’d wanted to say, and fortunately for this blog, the story isn’t over yet. On a happy note, Maria say that both A and I were gorgeous, and that was a high note for sure.
After our pictures and the signing we congregated at the bottom of the stage and were talking again. J, being the brave person she is, wandered over to Mamma Bello and asked her if she’d take a picutre with our group. Next thing I know we were all lining up for a photo and Mamma Bello as telling us that all we needed was HOPE and I about cried. You see, I have this tattoo on my right arm, that reads just that. HOPE in Kanji (希望).After a few minutes of showing Mamma Bellow pictures of the NinjaBaby and our Chocolate Lab Penny, we headed outside the building and our group partially broke up. J had to grab a car back to her hotel but A, N and I decided to stand around for a few minutes to see if we could get a chance to talk to Maria again.
She was absolutely fabulous, and even tho we tried to give her a respectful distance so that we weren’t crowding her or anything, she stepped down off the steps to be on level with us, which shows exactly how down to earth and awesome she really is. At this point she answered a few more questions for us, and we felt the need to get going, and let her get into her car and go herself, but it was definitely on a high note that we walked back to our parking lot.
On the way to the car, I took the time to tweet a selfie of myself and day that Maria had called me gorgeous, to which Maria replied the next day “absolutely!! XM”! which just sent me on all kinds of new waves of joy.
So we made it back to our car, where the lot we parked in was seemingly abandoned and there was no one around to pay the remaining $2.00 so we packed in, made sure we had all our things and started our journey home.
To top the night off, we stopped off at one of my favorite places for a late night meal. WaffleHouse. The food may be greasy and fatty but it has always come with a heaping helping of love and acceptance.
You see several years back, I was with a group of friends in Indiana and we decided to go out to Steak and Shake for dinner. I’m not going to post the full account of what happened but after the people that came in after us were seated, got their menus, ordered, and had food delivered, and our order had still to be taken, we got the picture that we weren’t welcome there.
After a bit of crying, and anger we headed to WaffleHouse and were welcomed with open arms. I have NEVER had an issue at any WalffleHouse no matter how I was dressed and I’ve YET to spend the $20 gift card that Stake and Shake corporate sent us after our horrible experience (in all fairness, I was told that they fired the entire staff that was on shift that night).
I don’t know why I want to cry so bad. Just that I do. When I try my tears are dry and that makes me feel even more like a failure . I don’t know why I feel so lost when I have a loving fiance and a baby on the way. I just feel alone so much. No matter how much I have to do with things I feel that my presence is barely acknowledged and that my being missing wouldn’t be noticed. Why am I even still here if She can do it on her own like everyone expects her to. I just can’t handle it anymore and I don’t know what to do. I am not stable. I am in crisis but I’m too scared to tell anyone so I will never get the help I need. Maybe I need to stop being scared and accept what I need to do and just do it.
I wrote this today, at one point when I was sitting alone, with those that love me only a room away. I don’t know if the feelings were/are irrational or something deep inside me that I’m hiding away.
I really don’t know where to begin.
It’s been AGES since I posted to this blog.
Nearly a full year actually, if you don’t include the year in review thing.
There was something that triggered me wanting to post, and I’m going to try and be as obtuse as possible and still vent what I need to vent.
I am with someone. This person quite honestly feels like the other half of me in so many ways.
We have many similar interests, but are still different enough that we provide challenges and and interest for each other on a daily basis.
That being said, there are days that we argue, often due to a mis-communication or something else like that.
And then there are days like tonight.
Tonight she read something online, that basically said she had been doing something bad for months, and that it damaged things, and was irreversible.
We had been talking to specialists and others, whom had told us otherwise previously, but her research was spurred tonight by a comment that her doctor made during a routine visit.
My initial reaction was one of wanting to hold her, to cuddle her, to take care of her, and to comfort her.
Her reaction was to tell me that I needed to go away because she needed to be alone and didn’t want to talk about it.
Like me, she has issues with thoughts of wanting to hurt herself, so at the moment I am out in the living room, with the bedroom door open so that I can watch over her and listen to her as she sleeps.
She’s since said that I can come back to the bed and sleep but that I’m not allowed to touch her or talk to her about it, and I’ve promised to return to bed after I finish this blog, but I’m not going to sleep.
I have told her many times, that I will not toss her away, that I will not discard her like others have done. That I will always love, and cherish her with all my heart.
I still stand by that statement, and I always will. I love her with the deepest most secluded, never before accessed parts of me heart. She asks me “how can you love someone like me” from time to time when she is down, and the truth is, that she has just found her way to a part of me that I never knew existed.
The part of me that can just be HAPPY by holding someone.
The part of me that can just be HAPPY lying beside her in bed.
The part of me, that for the FIRST time in my ENTIRE life, has ever made me consider if SRS was truly right for me.
Because I would, and will, quite honestly, give up everything for her.
This post is mostly a vent, but also a testimonial.
I Love you, I will ALWAYS love you, and while I may not be in the same room, or at times, not even in the same house (if I need to go for a walk and vent at times), I’m NOT going anywhere, and will be here waiting, arms wide open, for the moment you decide that you want to let me back in.
The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.
Here’s an excerpt:
The new Boeing 787 Dreamliner can carry about 250 passengers. This blog was viewed about 1,200 times in 2012. If it were a Dreamliner, it would take about 5 trips to carry that many people.
Not sure what this blog is about other than a way for me to put stuff out there.
Been arguing quite a lot with my SO and its getting bad.
She expected tone able to magically change my thoughts of suicide when I know she knows it doesn’t work like that. I just wish I knew what to do.
Sorry, but I’m really excited about this…
Last Saturday, I got a “bonused” secret shop… It’s a shop that needed to get done LONG time ago, so they offered a BONUS to just get it done.
I hopped at the chance, and got my bangs cut 🙂
So I then of course, had to experiment with Pigtails
Then the next day, I decided to play with my makeup too!
And at that point, I was just ECSTATIC! I was SOOO happy, and I felt soo pretty. But I wasn’t feeling “small” even with my Paci and Pigtails…
So I decided that I wanted CURLS!
Originally I had planned to go out on Sunday to the local mall, and do my curls, but I got cold feet… Then a friend messaged me, and said she’d go with me, but due to family commitments, she couldn’t do it till Tuesday…
So I put my hair up in a ponytail on tuesday, with a pretty bow, and hopped on the bus to start my journey up to “North Jersey” to visit a friend 🙂
Once there, we spent ALL DAY and couldn’t find ANYONE that was
C) Had time to do it
… wrap and process a spiral perm!
I spent 4+ hours getting there, and 5+ hours getting home! We had a GREAT time enjoying each others company, but it was REALLY frustrating.
So the next day, I decided to make a call, I called my local Regis Salon (in the mall, I used to work for a Regis owned Salon). I talked on the phone to Jen, whom was awesome, and she said she had time, and would do it. I told her I was “running some errands” and wanted to know when would be “too late” and she asked me to get there by 6pm…
So I got ready once again, and hopped another bus for the couple mile bus ride….
BTW, during that bus-ride, I got one of the BEST compliments I could have, when a girl got on at the hospital, and asked “Can I sit with you? I REALLY don’t want to sit with a guy, I don’t trust them” 🙂 And that Just made me SUPER happy!
Once at the mall, I checked in at the salon, and then went to do some browsing, as I showed up early, and Jen said it would be a bit till she could take me…
So I wandered over to the Cellphone Accessories Kiosk, where I got another compliment… Kinda…
See I was browsing, and this woman walks up behind me, and then to the other side.
The gentleman tending this booth (and two others nearby) wandered over, and asks “Can I help you?” the woman starts talking instantly, and he says “excuse me” to her, and then prompts me for my question and assists me first, before returning to her.
Yeah it’s common courtesy, but these days, courtesy isn’t common.
So I head back to the salon, and sit down for a few… When Jen is ready I sit in her chair, and we discuss what I want, and what she can do. She then takes me to get my hair washed, and back to her chair.
She gathers her tools (perm rods, papers, etc) and begins to do a vertical spiral wrap on standard perm rods. IT takes a bit for her to wrap my hair, but not that long because my hair is only shoulder length, and is very fine, and thinning.
Once she’s finished with the wrapping she puts the gel on to protect my bangs and around the rest of the hairline, and then wraps the cotton around my head, and gets the perm solution.
She liberally applies 2 bottles, then puts the cap on my head. and leaves me to “bake” or process 🙂
So once the processing is done, she takes me back to the wash basin, and rinses, twice, then nuetrilizes, and rinses two more times. I get the standard lecture about not washing my hair for at least 48 hours preferably 72 after the perm (I lasted about 60 hours).
She takes me back to her chair, uses a diffuser to blow dry it, adds a bit of product, and I end up with These curls!
But my friends, we didn’t stop there! -GiGgLeS-
Because the MOMENT I got home, I got into a VERY PRETTY dress that is on loan to me… And I did one of the BIGGEST NONO’s I could with a fresh perm…
No I didn’t wash my hair!…. I put them in PIGTAILS
Now I shall state, that I believe I am the MOST ADORABUBBLE little girl on the PLANET! And that all governments should bow before me and my Dolly Army!
-HuGgLeS- and I hope you enjoyed my little Photo Blog/Adventure!
Why does Everyone want to be my friend when they are far away, but when they get close enough to touch, they run away and hide or decide they don’t want to talk to me anymore?
Why does no one want to stay?
I have 30 days to find a new place to live, and not a single person I can hug, or touch, or even just look in the eye as I fall to pieces.
If I just let time run out, there will be no one there to pick me up, and help me out, I will just be left to rot on my own.
I just don’t know what to do anymore.